Biohazard: Deadly Sausage Bomb
I was digging around in the fridge this morning for something to whip up for breakfast. Sausage and eggs and toast sounded real good and I remembered that there was a package of Jimmy Dean pork sausage somehwere in there. Seasoned with sage, my favorite! I found it way at the very bottom of the cold cut drawer, buried under a bunch of other stuff. When I reached in for it, I immediately noticed that the plastic package felt very odd, like a balloon! It was all swollen up like the package had been inflated with air.
That’s not good! That’s a sure sign of botulism and since I’m not particularly fond of food poisoning I decided not to eat it. I gingerly removed it from the fridge and carefully wrapped it up in a large plastic bag. I was afraid it might actually burst because it was so swollen! I set it aside on the counter for a little while, planning on carrying it out to the garbage in a few minutes but then I forgot about it… Later on I noticed it again, laying there and as I went to pick it up I realized that it had grown much larger, nearly twice it’s earlier size!
The warmer room temperature had made it grow so huge that I was now very afraid it might explode! I started wondering just how big it would get before it would pop, so I carried it out to the front lawn and set it out in the sun. I went inside and watched TV for a little while and about 2 hours later I went out to check on it again. I was freaked when I saw it because it had grown nearly as large as the house! Holy Crap! Of course I had to get a picture!
Now I had the problem of disposing of this obviously deadly sausage bomb, what to do, what to do??? I can’t think of anything, it’s way too large for the garbage collection, won’t fit in a can and as far as I know there are no government agencies set up to deal with this sort of thing. Air Force maybe? Tell ‘em it’s a UFO? Hmmm, I doubt they’ll go for that.
You guys got any suggestions?
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This would be a good time to call a bomb squad or get a bunch of goats. Goats will eat anything.
Call FEMA!
Call 999.
I think you should call the Jimmy Dean folks. Maybe they have a sausage museum to display it?
LOVE the new header! Very, very cool. Did Blogs Gone Wild give you the special summer rate? If so, you got a real bargain
Forget all that, call the newspapers!
Great post.
Well obviously with a WMD of that size you should contact the government.
Of course you may want to explain that it REALLY does exist….
Screw all those–send it to my ex’s ma! She’ll either keep it forever or cook it. Either way you’re not watching it take over your neighborhood.
FEMA. Because they did such a great job after Katrina, this might give them a chance to redeem themselves.
Wow, Sev… that’s a mighty big sausage ya got there…
Hah! Call the guys at Photobucket, you fool!
Cool new look.
Set it free: sausage gotta live, too.
You are so twisted.
Jules make it sound like to twisted was a bad thing…
56% of Americans have found a UFO in their frig. Not an alien UFO, but a Unidentified Food Object.
Take it down to the homeless shelter. They could do something with it.
Mail it to someone you really hate.
Good to see you! I read a lot of blogs today but yours was the only one at which I laughed aloud.
Damn! I didn’t know they moved Area 51 to NO?
who knew sausage could be so dangerous!
got any neighbors you don’t like? I say light it up and hurl it at their door!
Toss it in a dumpster… maybe it’d go un-noticed?
Call Congress, they love pork!
EWWWWW! Site looks great though!
Double EWWWWWW!!!!!
I think I’ll go update my fridge now, thanks…
RUN!!!!!!
Better get rid of it before Homeland Security comes knocking at your door!
Don’t you have any neighbors that have pissed you off?
Yo Sev. Glad to hear you are doing alright. It’s been a while since I’ve been out in Blogland. I leave for a while, and you end up with a giant sausage on your front lawn! What’s this world coming to?
Finally! Good to see ya back, you were missed.
Send that damn thing to the Middle east and get this shit done with once and for all.