Hope you guys have a great holiday week, and that Santa brings you lots and lots of goodies!!

Note: I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to write anything new so you get a rerun of one of my favorite old posts. It was originally written the first time I visited Lisa in NYC back in February of 2006.

I’m really enjoying my stay in NYC and one of the best parts is getting to do a lot of walking around, going out to eat, seeing various sites, and people watching. People watching has always been one of my favorite pastimes. One thing I notice here is that more people than not seem to have a freekin’ iPod to listen to. Personally, I can’t imagine enjoying music by having to stuff tiny little speakers into my ears but that’s just me. Maybe it’s something you just have to get used to.

It’s amazing how many iPod variations are out there not to mention the bewildering selection of gadgets, gizmos, addons, and plug-ins available for the damn things. Everytime you go in an electronics store the very first display you see is all the crap they have available to sell you to make you part with your hard-earned money for more iPod doo-dads. Even with all of that I think they are missing the boat on a few possible iPod variations that make just as much sense as some of the silly crap already available.

Without too much effort I was able to come up with a few iPod variations of my own that I’m sure could make tons of money… or not! LOL

Above: I think they’re totally missing the boat on the highly lucrative pirate market. I call this version the iPatch PiratePod, a very exclusive niche marketing opportunity which is not only a perfect gift for your favorite pirate but also great for all your vision impaired one-eyed friends!!

Above: Here’s another variation that’s sure to please all you goofy hat wearers out there, with this modified version of the video iPod you could have a slide show running for everyone else to see with photos of your dog, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your favorite make out sessions, your totally boring vacation to the Grand Canyon or anything else that you want to show off. I call this iPod variation the iHat HairPod!

Above: Why not have your iPod do double duty, not just a music player! You could have this cool ass iPacer HeartPod implanted into your chest to make your heart beat to the music, from mellow, soothing mood music to heart pounding heavy metal, this iPod variation would be perfect for friends and family with a heart condition or everyday exercise junkies! Just think, having a heart attack could be very entertaining for both you and your would be rescuers!

Above: For the pooch that has everything! I call this one the iPaw PetPod, now your favorite dog or cat could show off their incredibly good taste by wearing one of these cool devices on their paw. Maybe running slide shows from the Westminster dog show, or just displaying a picture or two of their favorite feline or canine friends. This dog is being very stylish by showing off a picture of Lisa’s dog, Ally da Pup!!!

Above: This particular variation, iPax Tampods, would be perfect for the woman that loves to wear skin tight, skimpy clothing and has absolutely no place else to stick their iPod, or just hates to carry tampons around for emergency situations. Moving to the music would take on a whole new meaning!

Now all I need to do is find someone foolish smart enough to fund the manufacturing of these cool new iPods, maybe I could retire!

Which one is your fave?

Does killing time damage eternity? And just how much time can you kill before the damage is permanent?

Would the universe exist if there was no one here to see it?

People believe that without a God we would have no purpose for being. I wonder if God would have a purpose if there were no beings.

Does God have a sense of humor? If he does, I’ll bet he’s into slapstick, how else could you explain the Three Stooges?

Anyway, finally it looks like something is on the verge of happening with getting the house repaired from the Katrina damage. Count it folks, that’s almost exactly 2 years since the hurricane and the house is still a shambles. Engineering people have come out and given the official okey-dokey and most of the paperwork has been signed off. It’s going to be interesting to see this 2 story brick home being raised 3 feet off the ground.

They claim that we can actually live in the house while it’s being done. Oh yeah, you know that’s going to be fun without any plumbing LOL Since it’s all under the foundation, it has to be disconnected during the raising. Hence, the FEMA trailer out front that has a shower and working fixtures… They claim the whole process will take less than 6 weeks, we shall see! I’ll definitely have photos!

I’ll be leaving in a few days to meet up with the lovely Lisa again for the return journey to NYC, more fun on the highway! I’m looking forward to it! This time I’ll be spending more time in Manhattan which is always fun. I love dining out there, we already have plans to revisit the Argentine restaurant we found. Unfortunately, my waistline is taking a serious beating! Gah!! I’ll definitely be on a serious diet when I get back, LOL.

Hope you guys are having a fun weekend!!

That was the joke question asked in a commercial break during the broadcast of Last Comic Standing the other night on NBC. If you wanted to hear the punchline all you had to do was send a text message to NBC on your cell phone to get it. The cost for this amazing and convenient service? Only 99 cents! Have you ever heard anything so utterly lame? Actually holding the punchline of an elementary school level joke for ransom over the airwaves. It irritated me so much that I changed the channel and watched something else instead. Hey, NBC, here’s an idea for you that would be far more entertaining. Why don’t you air a clip of the genius that conceived this brilliant marketing idea actually being fired on national tv. Now that would be funny!

In case you’re wondering, and I won’t charge you a buck for the punchline… What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. Yeah, I told you it was LAME. And, no, I didn’t pay for it, I got the punchline by doing a web search.

Remember a while back I wrote a post about Stumble Upon? I still like to use it to surf for fun websites sometimes, but unfortunately it’s been sold out to eBay. And eBay is selling spots in the page rotations. Guess what that means kiddies? They sold your eyeballs to the highest bidders, meaning more and more of the webpages they send you to actually paid for the priveledge of having you surf in. Instead of being sites that Joe User submitted as being cool or interesting, you get to see who paid the most money for your attention.

I think this may actually be good in a backhanded way because you get to vote thumbs up or down on every site. If I get even the slightest suspicion that the site submission was paid for, it gets an automatic thumbs down. Hell yeah, just like that! And if the site has pop up ads of any kind on it or if it’s running a script that resizes or takes control over my browser window in any way, it gets an automatic thumbs down too, I don’t care how awesome the website is. If it has pop ups, it sucks!

Check out this billboard photo, notice anything odd about the two ads?

That’s right, it’s the same woman in both ads! LOL

Well, that’s all I got, have a great weekend kids!

I decided it was time to “repaint” the old FEMA trailer that’s been sitting out in the front yard. It’s been there well over a year now, unused, while we wait on FEMA’s engineering reports on what’s to finally be done about the house repairs. The worst part is that once they actually do something we may have to “live” in the piece of crap. Hard to believe but it has room for 8 people to sleep inside, talk about cramped. Sardines have more space to move around. LOL

I came across this cool quote from Ronald Reagan that sums up the governments laggardly response to Katrina.

“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’” Doesn’t that just say it all? hehe

And speaking of Ronald Reagan, I came across this old cigarette advertisement. Gotta love the “Christamas Card” cartons. Hey Ron, I’ll take a dozen!

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I got a brand new toy a couple of weeks ago and I just can’t stop playing with the damn thing. No it’s not a sex toy, minds out of the gutter please! Although it is almost as fun as sex.

It’s a new LG cu500 cellphone that’s also a music player and a video camera. My old Motorola was getting pretty tired and since I was eligible for an upgrade I decided to go for something really nice. It has a removable 1 gigabyte memory card that can hold up to 250 mp3 or wma songs or 3,000 photos or 300 minutes of video! The memory card even fits in my regular digital camera, so it’s very versatile. Granted, the video quality is pretty low, but the photo quality is pretty damn good, I’m really quite impressed.

And the data is all transferable back and forth to my PC thru a USB cable. It runs on At&T’s new high speed data 3G network and it has quad band so it can be used anywhere in the world. The music player is basically identical to an iPod with song shuffle and repeat and you can create custom playlists. I never imagined a cellphone could be so much fun to play with. Now if it just vibrated a little stronger…

Not a week goes by without a roofing contractor stopping in and asking if we need a new roof put on the old place. They always make it sound like they’re the very first ones to notice too… I can’t imagine why they would think we need a new roof, do you? Just because the tarps are so old they constantly flap in the breeze and there’s a huge hole in the back where the oak tree fell on it, naaa, we don’t need a new roof. We like that it leaks in about 5 different places.

Yes, I took this photo today, it will be 2 years this coming August since Katrina blew thru here and we’re still waiting on FEMA to decide whether or not the house will be repaired or demolished. Don’t you just love governmental bureaucracy at it’s finest?

Bastards…

This has been amusing me for a week now, a small green lizard has moved into my SUV grill and seems to think it’s a great place to hang out and catch bugs. He crawls all over the bumper, the hood, in and out of the grill but mostly hangs off the lower edge waiting for tasty insects to pass by.

When he spots his prey he leaps down onto the pavement below, snatches it up and scurries back, where he jumps up onto one of the tires then leaps across to the bumper. Sometimes I’ve seen it do it from the upper grill which is about a 3 foot drop! And it only takes him a few moments to return to his station. It does this all day long and it’s been going on for a solid week now.

Occasionally it will climb onto the hood and lay there in the sun because they like that warmth. It seems to be most active when it’s really warm in the middle of the day. Here’s a closeup of him ready to pounce. LOL

I haven’t been driving that much all week so I know he hasn’t been disturbed very much, but earlier today I took a 60 mile drive and I feared he would be gone. Not so! Shortly after I returned home, there he was, poking his head out and hungry! He went right to work. These guys are extremely plentiful in this neighborhood, you can’t step outside without seeing one and they eat tons of bugs. They’re actually pretty good to have around.

So now that I seem to have a permanent resident pet, that also fills the roles of bug catcher, security attack lizard and a cool looking hood ornament, I think it’s time I gave it a name but I can’t think of any good ones. I’m taking suggestions, anyone want to name my lizard? I might even let the winner pet him! Hmm, pet my lizard, that sounds kinda naughty actually… Name my lizard!

If you’re ever purchased fresh sliced meat from a grocery counter, I’m sure you’ve run into one of these people. Their grumpiness factor is in direct proportion to how thin you want that ham sliced. If you don’t specify a thickness, you’ll probably be greeted with a pleasant attitude.

Ask them to slice it very thin and they quickly turn from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde. The thinner you want it sliced, the more work for them because thinly sliced can require twice as many strokes on the machine. The particularly heinous ones will beligerently show you the first slice from 10 feet away by waving it at you so fast that there’s no way you can really tell if it’s what you wanted. “Is this thin enough”, they’ll ask with a scowl.

You’re lucky if they don’t throw it at you and curse you before you leave the counter. Of course they’re not all like that but I seem to run into more than my fair share. I also hate when they attach the sticker label over the baggie opening in such a way that you have to rip the damn thing to shreds when you get it home.

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I ran into this interesting comparison the other day, now I’m thankful our cars don’t run on printer ink! Holy Crap, Batman! If you thought the price of gasoline was expensive, take a look at this price comparison of various liquids! Apparently we’ve been had, printer ink manufacturers have finally figured out how to turn something ordinary into pure gold.

And you thought alchemy was a lost art, remember all those nutjobs that worked for centuries trying to figure out how to turn ordinary metals into gold? Apparently something very similar is possible. Forget crude oil, forget the middle east, let the ink wars begin, LOL! I think I’m going to become a wildcatter and start drilling for printer ink! That’s obviously where the money’s at!

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I was in a really creative mood yesterday and doctored up a bunch of old archive images of Hitler, I think they came out really quite good. In this politically correct social climate there aren’t many subjects left that you can safely make fun of without offending anyone. I doubt if anyone will have an issue with me taking a big swing at Hitler, LOL

I think my Photoshop skills have come a long way, what do you think? Here’s one sample in reduced size. If you want to see the 8 picture series, I posted them over at Evil Six.

Those are my contributions to “fuck off and die Thursdays”.

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On a VERY positive note, I’ve been feeling quite good! Actually this is the best I’ve felt in nearly 5 years. Pretty damn amazing considering how close I came to death. My miserable health odyssey began with liver failure, progressed into double pneumonia, being in a coma for a month, nearly 2 years of hospitilization, a complete liver transplant and top it off with 7 months of chemotherapy. You can’t say that I don’t know how to have fun! LOL

My latest blood test results have come back very positive with only a slight bit of anemia and I feel like the last traces of the chemo drugs have finally left my system. In a word, KICKASS!! hehe I’m ready to take on the world again! Hell yeah! What a change huh? Going from feeling like every day that passed would likely be your last one to feeling like you might live forever. We can dream can’t we? hehe

Love you guys and I hope you have a great weekend!!

I’ve been listening to all the talk (who hasn’t?) about Imus’ racist remark and it’s true, his sorry ass should be run off the radio. He is a racist prick and his feeble apology isn’t good enough to excuse what he said. I’m sure he can get a job as a radio jock for some neo-nazi, white supremacist hate group because that’s right where he belongs.

I’ve noticed though, that no one seems to have been offended by the fact that he called a group of young female college students ho’s! Black or white, this is just wrong on so many levels all by itself. Where does this bastard get off using such a derogatory term to describe young, hard working, college age athletes. These are peoples daughters, not Vegas hookers for craps sake. I can tell you this much, if I had a college aged daughter and she happened to be on the Rutgers basketball team, I would want to kick his sorry fuckin’ ass. I would like to see his reaction if his daughter had been called a “ho” by some loud mouthed racist lout on national talk radio. Bastard! Eat shit and die!

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Ok, now for something fun! You guys just have to try out this hilarious Flash game, see how many tries it takes you to catch the worm. Post your scores in the comments, it only took me 5 tries. Lets see you beat that! Bet you can’t! Make sure your sound is on too!Catch a Worm Game

Taco Bell is very good at making up “new” products from the ingredients that they already have on hand in their stores, but sometimes I have to wonder how the hell did they come up with the names and the combination of ingredients? I don’t speak spanish so I have no idea if there are actual words like enchirito, chalupa, gordita and many others that they use. I thought it would be fun to make up a few of my own that I’m pretty sure would get rejected. So here we go with a list of most likely to be rejected Taco Bell products:

• Zesty Diarito
• Cheesy Douchealada
• Runny Crapalupa
• Crusty Pusadilla
• Spicy Ratarito Supreme
• Grilled Beef and Lice Burrito
• Baja Lizard Crunchwrap
• Bean, Beans, Beans and More Beans and Spam Taco

Can you think up more?

To be fair though I actually like Taco Bell and I eat there when I can. Those new steak taquitos are very good! I stopped by their website to try to win a $1000 dollar survey drawing (I didn’t win) from my register receipt and came across this thing where you can make your own little comedy bit. It asks you a question and you try to type in a funny reply and then it plays it back “on stage”.

I tried it several times and it seems like no matter what you reply, the audience is silent and thinks your joke sucks. The other lion always gets all the laughs, bastard! Maybe you guys can check it out and see if you can coax a laugh out of it. You can find it here at The Carne Asada Improv. You can even embed it on your blog like I did below. I thought surely my joke would get a ton of laughs but it fell on it’s face. Check it out below and see what you think. Make sure your sound is up!
 

Hope you enjoyed the show!