Gimme Back My Skinny
Yeah, I’m on a diet. I want my skinny back dammit! Well, actually that’s not exactly true because I’ve never been what you would call “slim”, maybe trim is a better term to describe my body size when I’m on an upswing. My weight has always been a wild rollercoaster ride, I go thru periods of several years where I work out and exercise regularly and I carefully watch my calorie intake. Then I get sick of that shit and let it all hang out, literally, for a couple years till I get sick of being a fat pig and I decide to take it off again. And so it goes, up and down, like a giant pendulum swing all through my adult life.
Right now I’m in a low spot though and I’ve been dieting and exercising again for the past couple weeks and I’m definitely not satisfied with the crappy results. I think I need to lose about 15 - 20 lbs of ugly fat (chopping my head off is not an option, smartass!) and it just ain’t happening in spite of nearly starving myself! Gahh!! Basically, I’ve just been eating less (much less) and laying off the sweets (chocolate mostly) and a medium workout 3 - 4 times a week including weight training through which I’ve lost only a few pounds and no inches. Yes, I know that muscle weighs much more than fat and my muscles are definitely showing the difference but my waistline isn’t shrinking! Fuck that!
Then I started thinking about all the crazy diets that I’ve used over the years to drop my weight back down to an acceptable level and I’m wondering if any of them would be suitable for me to use now. Here’s a few of them, what do you guys think:
- The All Veggie Diet, that’s basically eating lots of green salads with a light honey mustard dressing, lots of straight canned vegetables like corn, peas, green beans and lots of beer. I’ve lost a lot of weight using this one in the past, I once lost 30 lbs in a single month! I kinda like this one actually, may have to skip the beer part though.
- The Pop Tart and Cheetos Diet, this one is a lot of fun, a couple of Pop Tarts for breakfast and munch out on Cheetos all day long chased down with lots of beer. I can’t remember if I actually lost any weight on it though, maybe I was too drunk to care or notice. I may have to scratch that one because my budget doesn’t include beer, hmmm.
- Oreos and Beer, this one is also a lot of fun, me and a buddy that I worked with years ago would occasionally grab a 12 pack of Buds and a big bag of Oreos right after a long hard day at the shop. You would think it would be a terrible taste combination but it was very good! Especially the beers. I don’t recall actually losing weight on this one either though, ok we can scratch this one then.
- The Tacos and Bud 12 pack diet, this diet consists of exactly that, a 12 pack of Tacos from Taco Bell and a 12 pack of Buds. No weight loss, but you get pretty damn drunk! I guess some of my diets aren’t really all that good. I may have to rethink this whole diet plan idea.
I did a little web searching for diets and I came across an article where this guy in New Zealand is asking people to donate their fat from liposuction to help him win a race. He claims he can have the fat refined into some type of fuel that will power a boat called the Earthrace which cost $2.6 million to construct and has a top speed of 50 knots! A typical liposuction operation can yield as much as 3kg of fat. Once refined that amount could produce three litres of refined biofuel, enough to drive his Earthrace boat 2km. Now if we could just find a way to power cars with that stuff and somebody could come up with a cheap home liposuction kit. We could all eat like pigs and power our cars and trucks with clean fuel and with less guilt and look damn good doing it too! Hell yeah!
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LMAO. You never fail to make me laugh!!!
Hmm… perhaps a plug of some sort that would come out of your body somewhere to plug into the car directly. Lose weight, drive everywhere! I’d be all over that as a dieting tool. Road trip, anyone?
me likey the taco and beer diet.
me likes that one A LOT.
All the diets you’re listing have something in common, something that sabotages them all. Guess what it is?
Sorry if that yer heart, bud ~hugs~
I hear ya on the diet thing it is a bitch but the one I am on now is fairly easy to follow and with good results in the first month and a half for me with 35 pounds off ! If you want a copy let me know I will send it along :+:
Screw diets Sev! Drink a lot of water, cleanse your system everyday. Eat three normal meals with normal portion sizes and you’ll lose. I promise!
Lois Lane
Find a way to poop a lot. That tones the stomach (pushing it out) AND gets rid of food (really, do I need to explain that).
*toot*
I’m with Lois on this one. Screw the diets. It’s all about portion control, water, and moderate exercise. BTW, I want my skinny back too damn it.
Your diets rock, you should write some books - choose the right diet for you. LOL
Good luck to you, but I know you can do it.
*HUGS*
Weight Watchers, baby. Worked for me, I lost 40 pounds on it.
Of course, the Pop Tart & Cheetos diet sounds pretty good to me right now - it’s the end of the day and I’m STARVING!
LOL You need help!
Lois Lane has the right idea. I’ve had to lose a little tonnage lately due to high blood pressure. It sucks because I miss the snacking. Or you can be an idiot like me and play hockey 4-5 times a week. Then binge and skate your ass off. Literally!
I need to get my skinny back too!! I’m thinking of joining Curves but I don’t think they allow beer on the treadmill Sev. Which blows, cuz I loves me some beer.
Otherwise I use the prison system, three hots and cot, and some fava beans on the side.
Damn man you were the mechanic in the before life so come up with a way to convert my fat to fuel . I promise you fuel for a trip around the world and back or just maybe we can talk about other things alng the way….You never know so much fuel so little fat a trip time on our hands and well…….six plus one just might equal sex…lol
Take care sweet one. Yep I do believe I am back!!! Did you miss me?
I’ve done the yo-yo thing for so long, too. I’m way heavy again and not liking it at all. What ticks me off about myself is that I KNOW how to lose it, I’ve done it before. So what’s lacking is the motivation right now. Cuz apparently fat is never gonna be “in” and that’s what I’ve been waiting for
The older you get, the more the body likes to hold on to it’s extra storage. And it really sucks! I’ve had good luck with a slightly liberal version of Atkins, but I am not sure if all that protein might be hard for a weak liver to deal with.
the taco and beer diet - I’m sure that one produces a lot of combustible gas, haha..
look, I have a gravatar!!!
Yes we all need to eat moderatly.
Ya know, when I left the army I went crazy. After having to eat right and exercise like a maniac, i forgot what and where the gym was, and how to run.
I went from a size thirty inch waist, I am tiny (except one place in particular) cough, 5′5″ and went to a size 36 waist on a beer and hot wing diet!
I started working out again and ditched soda.
I think you are on to something with that lipo thing, maybe get a patent and become the Bill Gates of Fat!
Yup, after 30 it’s all constant maintenance!
And fyi, you are a cutie no matter what
Next thing you know, the New Zealand guy will be asking for beer to help with this or that. Screw him.
Good luck with your new diet. I’ve been on many of them. It gets more difficult the older I get, but not impossible!
Can’t do diets, I can’t stand not having my favorite foods.
sexercise. if ya break a sweat, yer doing it right, hehe.