good clean fun… yeah right!
One of the cool things about deep sea diving is a situation where there is so much work to be done at a relatively deep depth that it makes much more sense to “saturate” divers for up to 30 days at a time. Saturation technically means that your body tissues can not absorb any more gas from the environment at pressure and that decompression time will not increase any further because of that fact. To do this you need chambers large enough to live inside and be able to lock out of into a diving bell and ride in it to the sea floor to accomplish your job. The pressure on your body remains the same for the entire 30 days. Decompressing is accomplished at the very end of the job one time only instead of every single time the diver surfaces. Divers generally love it because the pay is very high compared to other forms of diving.
Ok, now that the techie stuff is done with lets move on to the fun. Living at depth in a very small chamber crowded with 3 other men can be tough, especially when there is no privacy at all when it comes time to take care of business. There are specially designed toilets for this and they use the pressure inside the hull of the chamber to evacuate waste thru a large valve on the outside, thru a large fire hose that has its end in the ocean. When the diver is finished he has to call for a flush and a deck tender must go and manually open the valve for a few moments and allow the piss and shit to blow thru the hose into the sea. The highly pressurized waste is too much for the shipboard waste systems to handle so letting it fly overboard is the easiest solution.
Unfortunately, sometimes the seas can be rough and very windy and if the flush is done when the tip of the hose comes up out of the water you can have a huge vapor cloud of waste blow back up and over the deck. What fun it is to watch the riggers on deck run for cover when the control room calls for a flush on one of the chambers. They quickly learn how nasty it is to get caught in the cloud and the smell is incredibly bad. The would often be tripping all over each other when they hear that call over the deck speakers.
Tugboats and supply boats often come alongside and eventually wear a hole in the side of the hose above the water line and if they are tied up alongside when a flush is called for they get sprayed down with some truly godawful stuff all over their decks and hull. Of course this is a lot of fun to watch if there is some activity on their deck and we would find a strategic location on the top deck of the ship to watch the fun when a flush was imminent. The looks on peoples faces when they realize what just happened to them is priceless! You ever see a grown man cry because he was just sprayed down with a high pressure mist of finely vaporized piss and shit? It’s hilarious!
I recall one job in particular where the shitter hose was taking a constant beating from tugboats coming alongside and we had to change the hose often. I was a technician on the job and I scrounged around below deck in the machinery rooms and found some hose that I thought would work ok. I had a couple of tenders move the reel up to the deck and instructed them on how to replace the old shitter hose. I told them to put 2 new clamps to hold it to the valve assembly and to make sure it was very tight so that it couldn’t blow off when a flush was done. They turned out to be a couple of wimps apparently because the hose was not tight enough…
The very next time that a flush was done the hose blew off the valve right there where the hapless tender was standing when he cranked the valve wide open. The explosion of vaporized piss and shit was literally right in his face and the vapor cloud engulfed that area of the deck and chambers and the man was soaked to the bone with some of the absolutely nastiest stuff you could imagine. His screams were heard all over the deck at the moment he realized what had just happened to him. He started cursing and crying and running to the stairwell to go below deck and get into one of the showers fully dressed. That entire area of the deck and chambers had to be scrubbed down with soap and water over and over again and they still could not get rid of the smell. No one ventured over that way unless they absolutely had no other choice.
The tender smelled for days afterward, the odor seemed to have permeated his skin almost permanently and of course he became the butt of many jokes about what had happened to him. I was certainly glad it wasn’t me although I did get yelled at about the whole thing, the superintendent on the job tried to reprimand me for not installing the hose myself, but he could barely contain his laughter the whole time he was supposedly yelling at me. Me? I thought it was one of the funniest things ever!
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That is hilarious!!! But of course it didn’t happen to me so I can laugh!
Theres nothing quite like a good poop story. A friend of mine is a plumber, and hes had quite a few experiences with pipes bursting and spraying poop all over his face. I definitely hope I never get to experience a poop shower, but I think with a kid on the way its inevitable.
“Nooooo Shit!!!!”
New pic post up!
LMFAO!!! Bet the guy made sure that hose was tightly in place next time?
You told me your shit don’t stink, and I believed you.
Sincerely,
Mr. Gullible
Wht an terrible story to read when eating lunch. Ok it didn’t bother me.
But yea, I could understand the tenders agitation, and I could just here the comments, hey shit for brains, hey look it’s shithead, damn you are full of shit…..
I like the new header. You going to try one with a chain going all the way around? I watched the animation for a bit to see if it would go all the way around. That would be very cool. I imagine it would also be a pain in the ass. I’ve seen what it takes for animation and I haven’t even ventured to try yet.
Um. Yuck.
Gives a whole new meaning to the term gas saturation.
testing gravatar testing gravatar
You and my dad could exchange stories! He was a tug boat captain..
Too funny, I can’t stop laughing:)
OMG, that is beyond nasty. ha ha ha ha ha ha!
am i the only one that thought the best part was when 7 said the guy became the “butt” of the jokes.
Yes, Allie.
First, great new look, Sev!
Second, your story gives new meaning to ‘getting hosed’…
Third, pop back over to my comments; 80 left you a little present…
Icky! Now I know why I stay home all day!
You know, I’m starting to feel SOOOO much better about my job now!
Love it! Great story.
OMG that’s rude! deeee-scustin! i was forced to read to the end AND the comments just to axe you…. what would yer mommy, or miss manners say bout this story, hmmmmm?
bad bad boy, go to m- your room! hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think my dinner shall set in the fridge for the evening…..
Or maybe I’ll just have nightmares…..
If I was that guy I’d have just jumped into the ocean and soaked…
That is pretty gross. Bet even the slightest hint of the smell of sewer sends that guy to the rail with dry heaves.
Note to self…..never man the hose on the cucka sucker.
Blarf! No time to read, but want tx for linking me! I’m way behind in reciprocating links. Will do so now.
thanks man for writing im 14 years old and i dive now i know what could happen to me now i’ll think twice before diving again
You changed it again! Every time I come here it’s a new blog
Karen= I hope it never happens to anybody ever again! uh huh hehe
E-Lo= omg I din’t even want to go there, babys and poop…YUCK!!!
Seamus= Nice pics guy, as always hehe
Serra= probably, as for myself I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone!!
OHS= sorry buddy, I lie lie lie! haha!
Blue= hey those are good! really good!
Micki= thanks hon, the idea was to make it go all the way around but it turned into a lot more work than what I expected so I dropped the idea for now. It’s a saved project though hehe.
Nanner= that says it all!
Jeanette= wow, you got a gravatar! and pretty too! coool!
thequeen= where did he pilot tugboats! glad you liked the story!
Celti= I thought you would like this story!
Allie= leave it to you to see the extra funny bits hehe!!
Ang= hehe thanks! that was tres cool of 80 to do that woo!!
Jenn= I stay home all day myself nowadays, no more offshore for me! weee!!
Juno= hi there! welcome to tha doghouse! and thanks!
Magz= my mommy thinks it quite funny thank you! na na na!!
*poink*~!!
Angel= aww I sowwy!! you know my stories sometimes have a nasty bent, hugz~!!! hehe *poink*~!!
Carolyn= yeah but he prolly would have drowned! LOL steel toed boots and heavy work clothing makes it difficult to swim last time I heard! hehe
Jethro= glad you enjoyed!
Boo= I’ll bet he had nightmares for weeks about it, probably scared shitless to open any more valves anywhere either LOL
GEL= you’re welcome seeet lady!
Brian= a 14 year old diver? Cool, are you doing commercial work or scuba?
Becka= hehe I changed it yet again since this comment and I’m not done! this thing will always see new changes as long as it’s fun!
great stuff, high times on the high seas, keep sharing, I am back, thanks for asking
My love,
I am going back to The Realm where poo knows it’s place. You are welcome to join me… as always… but only if you wash your hands first. You’re not laying them on me with fresh poo story all over them. And I know you want to lay your hands all over me
Don’t be long lover.
The need is growing stronger by the minute.
I am ravenous.
This was very funny! Gross. But very funny!
I am alive. Contrary to what you may have heard!
Love the new look!!
G’day Se7en,
I must have “smella cam”, just while reading your post the smells where wafting my way.
I have just used a full can of “Glen 20″ to clear the air.
Thank-you for making me smile, great post.
This is my absolute favorite look for your site….. I could sit here and stare for hours on end. I love the colors, the header…. everything. Have a good one
Mike= hey man! good ta hear from you!
DQ= hi lover! don’t worry I always wash my hands!
Lilly= hey hey! and thanks!
Vegemite= hi there! glad you enjoyed it!
Angel= morning sweetie! thanks you, i’m just about to redo the comments box too… hehe *POINKZ*~!!
Good afternoon gorgeous!
I’ll call you in a bit.
kiss kiss kiss
I did mention how cool this is before…. *reads earlier comment* Yep.
Heehee….
I have somethin’ for you to do. But you have to swing by my blog to “get” it.
Hey Se7en – I know one job I never want to have. Yuck that was gross. But I have to admitt it was funny, LOL.. Huggz