If I had my way…
Windows would be a lot more fun. A few things that I think I would just have to change or add on:
- Automatic updates of all your favorite porn site listings. Why fool around? We all know that the main thing that the internet is good for is porn surfing! Hell yeah!
- Make an R-Rated version available with different error messages, instead of something like “File Access Denied” you would get instead, “No Way, Fucker!”.
- “Start” button? Too Lame! Label it “Start this Mofo’” instead.
- “Please Wait” LOL Gimme a break, name that one “Gimme a Minute Fuckhead While I Dig Thru This Pile of Crap!”
- “Recycle Bin” would become the “Dumpster”. Why would you be worried about recycling freekin’ electrons?
- Replace that stupid hourglass with a little hand giving you the birdfinger while you wait or maybe some tiny little porn action for you to watch instead. Selectable for male/female of course!
- Instead of “Windows Update” name it “This shit is full of security holes AGAIN, m’therfucker, PATCH THIS BITCH UP!”
- In your email, instead of “Block Sender” name that button instead to read “Kick This Piece of Shit Spam Off My Fucking PC Forever!”
- Design a program that automatically finds the HOME email of spammers and sends them a thousand nasty emails with photos of their wives taking on a donkey in Tijuana or their husbands taking it up the ass with every guy in a gay bar and then it spreads through their email program, forwarding the pics to all the friends listed in their address book.
- Instead of a confirmation message that says just simply “OK” it should read “Hell Yeah!” or “Fuck Yeah!” or how about “I have done your evil bidding, Master!”
Those are just a few that I can think of offhand, what modifications would you make to Windows if you ran the show?!?!
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YAY!! Firsties!! LOL Thanks for all the comments on the post below everyone! woohoo!!
I’m baaaaack!! except… you didn’t know I was gone!! ooops sorry about that!! my bad! I’ve just been out and about enjoying myself and missing someone spashul very much, she knows who she is too!! smooches baybee!
I would have a purdy view from my windows.
Glad you’re back!
Lois Lane
*prissy look* I wouldn’t change a thing about windows. I ♥ windows and I wanna marry Bill Gates.
Glad your back Mr 7.
I would just make windows work. I don’t now, maybe it needs lube to run smoothly…..
Down at the bottom of my screen, right now, it says: “It’s a dog’s life - MSN…” Why couldn’t it say: “It’s a fucking dog’s life - MSN…”?
Whom do I talk to at Windows to get this done?
(I like your idea of a porn show while you’re waiting for the shitter to perform its duty. I think that should be No. 1 on your change list.)
When Windows Se7en is released, I’m totally buying it.
I like the way you think
Instead of the Search puppy, it should be Vanilla Ice, the recent version from the “Hit Me Baby One More Time” TV show, rapping away while your search progresses.
Lois= hi hi!! a purdy view huh, what are ya looking at now? Do ya live next door to the dump or something? hehe
Jeanette= I don’t believe you, I’m sure you must have some pet-peeve about windows, I mean everyone does, right?? right? hehe
thequeen= puleeeze don’t call me Mr 7 LOL and yeah, maybe some ass-lube would make it go faster!! woohoo!
Micki= I would totally let you help me rewrite Windows, that would be fun!! now all I need to do is learn some programming…
OHS= that’s a great suggestion! I’m the one that controls that and I changed it just for you!! notice that it now says “it’s a fucking dog’s life” on the tab, weeee!! hahahaha!
Dawn= I was trying to think up a good name for the new version, that’s perfect!
Windows Se7en, nice ring to it!
Karen= thanks! hehehe
Carolyn= ooo thats a good one!! or maybe the Tazmanian Devil whipping up a little tornado, messing up all your files… heheeh!!
I would have it actually work.
My keybooard has “SHIT” “FUCK” and “DAMN” keys on it - limited edition Micro-geek version. They are the most used keys on the board. My mouse has a “FUCKIT” button as well. I’m so seriously considering jumping into the Apple Basket!
Have a great weekend 7!
We are watching.
ps; are you a voodoo freak?
I will totally purchase WIndows se7en. When something fucks up and you have an option to send Windows an error report… it should say “Don’t worry, we’re also going to tell them to go fuck tehmselves!”
I think I’m in love! I would sooooooooo buy your version of Windows.
Actually you might be able to do a desktop theme that would do most of this, except for the “make it work” part.
It’s great to see you back, Se7en! Missed ya, Mister.
Sounds like fun! Sign me up! Thank you for the comment the other day… feelin’ way better! You rock dude! *hugs and poinks* for you!
thanks for the birthday present here sev, while i’m cramped over danno’s teeny tiny laptop cause I CRASHED MY EFFING WINDOWS!!
believe me sport, mine HAS been customized, and I now know more about both my hard and software then i really EVER needed. I do believe i’ve actually looked at EVERY FUCKIN PROGRAM IN MY PUTER, hahahahaha, and the final consensus?
My 100% spiffy perfect little HellDell will have to be wiped, snuffed, erased, rubbed out etc and reloaded with a new OS. Which i’m gonna have ta go buy, since I gave away BOTH my bran new registered copies of XP…
I tell ya sweetie, it’s hell getting old. I think I went senile the last couple days and had visions of granduer about myself and my potential for true geekiness, 1 little click, 1 teensy tiny ‘disable button’.. and I went CAAAA-RASH! hahahahahahaaaaa.
good thing I got the kid’s compaq now, and man-oman, a 17 yr old young man sure knows where to find the good stuff, if i were easily shocked i’da died at some of his bookmarks…. LOL!
Yeah, they should make it so you can go to ‘preferences’ and type in your own prefered messages. Then anyone can have whatever they please displayed. This would make for hours of fun screwing with other people’s computers. You could sneak over to a coworker’s computer and make one of the error messages say, “WARNING! ANTHRAX SPORES DETECTED!!” Tech support might end up pulling their hair out. “Miss, what does your computer error message say?” “Why it says, FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! What does that mean?” Someone should write a program that would allow you to alter the error messages! (even a virus that did only that, ie tweak the error messages, but no other harm, would be rather funny)
When did you put in the dragon pic up top? I like it.
If I could get through the boring books on computer programming, I probably could do it. I just have no ‘want to’.
Sorry bout that mr thing. Mister.
and I didn’t say nothin bout no ass lube woohoo, I just said lube.
Gutter brain. Sheesh…..;)
My fave - “I’ve done your evil bidding, Master.”
Sara= hmmm yours doesn’t work at all?? well that’s just not good at all! I’ll send you a free copy of Windows Se7en as soon as it’s released!
Nanner= Hi grrrl!! *waving furiously*~!! hehe
Seamus= so where can I get me one of those keyboards with the nifty swear word shortcuts! hehe
DLAK= just don’t be peeking in my windows!! on the ps, I’m a voodoo fan, part-time freak. LOL
Rachael= Ohh, thanks, but i’ll send you a free copy too!
Kristin= hi doll!! do I look that much better than Bill Gates?
smooches~!!! 
Serra= thanks hon, hmmm, maybe so, but i’m still short on them programmin’ skillz hehe
Angel= morning dawlin’!! can’t have you going around feeling poorly, no way! xoxox’s~!
Magz= take it out into the yard and shoot it hon, or kick it off the back of your truck goin’ about 80, that would teach that fucker! Oh, and you’re NOT supposed to give away you’re only copy of XP, never know when you’ll need it sweetie! I would have to kill someone for stealing mine!
Crazygirl= those are awesome suggestions, i’ll get my team of programming munkees right on it! hell yeah! hehe
Micki= I just put that up yesterday, made it in my brand new Photoshop 7! woohoo, it’s awesome! what happened with you and graphics fun? bored with it already? =(
thequeen= oh thats ok, I just don’t need ta be feeling any older than I really am, hahaha. and what fun would it be without somes ass lube woohoo!? not nearly as much , I think..
Celti= oh, I knew you would like that one!! that would be totally Celti!! hehe
Dragons fuckin’ rock!
Aww… you’re so kind!
*hugs*
I wasn’t aware windows had an ass to lubeup for any kind of woohoo.your only as old as you feel you are.
How about Sir 7? is that better?
heh heh
Damn missed you but I’ll let you off the hook for a copy of 7’s Windows like ASAP cause I just gotta have one. Now get back to work cause I know this MIA you were working on some program and not some good hot sex for the next story here or which was it. Damn you don’t kiss and tell so we’ll never know just send the Window’s so you don’t get on MY List…..smooches damn you are a hot one uh smart one
G’day Se7en
Love it mate, love it
Put me on your list to buy when you have finally finished designing the new “Se7en’s Windows”.
I have done your bidding evil master… master evil… uhh bidding master… ahhh never mind!
Just got in and you were the first ‘thing’ on my mind… heheh
Missed you like crazy.
Thought about you every minute.
Dreamed about you every night!
Oh yeah… my mom said to tell you ‘hi’. And a big kiss from her!
Much more than that from me
Dude. That would be awesome. You could totally sell that shit!
Hilarious!
good morning Babe. *boosmooches*
I like that a lot!
I did mess with graphics some more, just no one noticed I remade my buttons. I’m a bit perfectionist and am still searching for icons/graphics to go on a banner for my title on my site.
Today you have a new header. Where did you find the dragon graphics? No words are good enough to describe that header. I am amazed. What is the border around it?
How’s school going hot stuff?
Miss your visits.
You know I lost 150 pounds just to turn your clock!
LOL
kiss
pink lace bra/panties from Victoria’s Diner… I mean Secret… Victoria’s Secret!
heehee
A pop up that reminds you that no matter what you are doing on your computer you will never be as wealthy as Bill Gates. Oh, and get the fuck over it. lol.
FYI…I am back!
Instead of the hourglass, there should be a stripper. Notice how fast time flies when you’re having fun?
first time here…
all i gotta say is “fuck yeah!”
Angel= no, no ,no, YOU rock sweetie!!
thequeen= windows is always showing its ass, everytime it sputters!! so it stands to reason some lube might help hahaha! Sir 7, hmm i kinda like that! silly!
Vicki= hiya schweetheart!! how are you!! xoxox’s~!!
Vegemite= hiya mate, that name always makes me think of that very old I Love Lucy episode where she tries to do a commercial for Vegameatavitamin, and she has to keep tasting it and gets drunk because it has a lot of alcohol in it. Hilarious! ;)0
Inanna= hi grrl!! I’ll put that in just for you! hehe
Demon Queen= hmm my thing was on your mind huh, and i can’t wait to get more! yummy!
Webwench= hi sweetie! I’ll even give you a deep discount! hehe
Laurie= i’m glad you enjoyed it! hugs!
Boo= err same to you too hon! except it’s now nighttime here
Blue= thanks man!!
Micki= thanks, I drew the whole thing with some new plugins and addons I found for special effects in Photoshop, amazing shit! the border is part of some tribal shapes that i used and put together to go all the way around. I even “drew” the dragons and the fire and smoke. I’m now using Photoshop 7 instead of 6 and it has a lot of new stuff and plugins available.
Tricia= one of these days i’m gonna come over and check them panties out personally!! kisses! hehe
Brighton= or maybe a counter that automatically and continuously adds up Bill Gates money, hahahaha! that fucker needs a good haircut don’t he? Just like Trump, everytime I see that fucker I just wanna slap that combover right off his head! LOL
Lilly= hiya hon! welcome back!!
Jethro= yeah now you’re talking! hehehe!!
Beans= Hi there, welcome to my little doghouse on the Prairie? hehe say it loud, say it proud!!
Sir 7, you are right! Windows does show its ass! To bad it won’t bend over though huh!:)
You need to post again soon so I can have firsties! I wanna make sure my gravatar is working!
Never mind - it works! (just saw my last comment! Follow the slut and meet the bride! Sorry to be a shameless promoter… I’m just so tinkled pink about how cool my blog is now! TY - tee why…
Found you via Rachael, and I must say, you do some incredible work.
Instead of reading “Windows has encountered an error and must shut down. Would you like to send an error report?” it would read, “We’re overpaid fucktards who may have just fucked up your shit. We’re sending a personal email to Bill Gates to let him know that he and his system blows dog dick. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
Just a thought …..