December 22nd, 2004
if I were Picard…..
things would be a bit different on the Enterprise! Here are a few example’s.
- Institute wacky hat nights on the bridge. Imagine Worf in a British Admiralty hat. Picard in a Romulan Asshat. Data with an old Yankees cap.
- Metallica blasting over the super galaxy class warp powered sound system.
- There are no speed limits in space, so it’s warp 9 all the time babeee! None of that silly ass warp 3 b.s.
- Install one of them big ass barefoot looking gas pedals on the floor at Data’s console.
- Giant trucker mudflaps on the engine nacelles with chrome trim and naked ladies.
- Big ass air horns on top to scare the bejeesus out of alien life forms and have em play “You Got Another Thing Comin” by Judas Priest to announce our arrival.
- Keep the life support system set to a cool 65F so the ladies in their skin tight jumpers will have nard hipples all the time.
- Sticker in rear window: Turn Signal Broken, Watch For Finger
- Use phasers to write my name on the surface of planets below. Also great for writing “Bite Me” that can be seen from 100,000 miles away.
- Drag race for pink slips with the Ferengi’s after Data and Geordi installs nitrous oxide boosters and huge blowers to the warp drive.
- Custom candie apple red paint job, need I say more?
- Order No1 to go take a No2 often. (shamelessly ripped from Beavis/Butthead)
- Allow practical jokes like hiding Geordi’s visor and then rearranging Engineering section.
- Fill photon torpedoes with bright red paint and launch em at Klingon ships then haul ass for fun!
- Engage? what the hell does that mean? “Nail it, Data” would be better.
- Be sick often to get those ooo so delicious sponge bath’s from Dr. Crusher.
- Install gigantic subwoofers under the ship to make loud low booooom sounds and cruise slowly around the Klingon home planet to annoy the hell out of them.
- Talk more hip: Mr Worf, dude, crank up them phasers and show them asshats we ain’t messing around! or: Romulan vessel, back off beyotch or we gonna shoot photon torpedoes so far up your ass you’ll be shittin nuclear turds for a month!
- Have crew wear cool T-shirts with stuff like “Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you’re a Klingon asshole!” or: “I Went to Romula and All I Got Was the Ferengi Clap” (credit: Kristin)
- Bumper sticker: “My other starship is a Harley”
- Program holodeck emitters to make ship look like the Oscar Meyer weenie mobile or a lowrider 1960 chevy impala.
This is an interactive list, if you brought some funny to add let me know!
Inspired by the evil overlord list
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ah, the mistress has arrived!
we been expecting you and thanks for
the lovely haiku…
welcome to tha hideout!
thanks for the compliment too!
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two
bwaha@ Just saw that bumper sticker today, on a pizza deliver car. I thought “i’ll bet pizza hut doesn’t endores that kind of attitude.”
oh, almost forgot…
geeeeeeeeek!
like the pic of the dobies! how cute!
I saw Metallica and Judas Priest, that’s all I needed for ya to get my vote!
God I miss the old metal days sometimes….
Bwwwwwwwwhahah! Genius, pure genius. How about someone wearing a tshirt that says Klingons might like you but we think you’re an asshole.
Regan= hehe i luv funny bumper stickers! thanks for the dobie compliment too, i love that pic. the full size is in my photo blog (sidebar link)
Vicki= metal is always fun for me, only the names have changed!
“it’s my blog and i will bitch if i want to” i keep trying to sing that to an old rock song and i have the tune in my head but can’t remember the group… Kinks maybe…?
wonderful pics btw i promise to check them out further!
Kristin= that’s perfect i can make that work i think! you get credit too!
thanks hon
Inana= lol i am glad you enjoyed it!
also, one of my fav expressions: ooo it’s a bit nipply out here!
Hahahahaha!!! That is classic!
Bwwwwwwwhahah Ferengi clap………omg boy, you kill me!
I’m not an Enterprise fan, so I skipped the post, but I had stopped by in the first place to tell you I like how you have been signing your name on comments. Two various, quirky words…I’m all about the quirk.
Not to mention, you look like trouble.
Trouble tastes good….
Aimee= Hi thanks!
Kate= ooooo and welcome to tha hideout!
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quirky
What? You cut off all your hair and suddenly you’re imagining yourself as Picard?
Merry Christmas, you crazy cajun! Have some jumbalaya on me. (Well not ON me).
Zelda= lol and i still got plenty o’hair, just not down to the middle of my back. it was quite a bit longer than in my pics actually. now i feel 10lbs lighter and i like the way it looks too
thanks for tha wishes!!
hunky
punky
Pictures of the new coif, s’il vous plait?
Happy Holidays, Hunky Punky.
LMFAO! that was great! you forgot to dress Deanna Troi up in a french maid’s outfit, though.
tanks for comin’ by my blog. in friendly response, i shall give you this lovely holiday haiku:
god, fucking christmas
who came up with this shit, huh?
thanks a lot, jesus.
jesus… speaking of someone who needs a haircut…
Merry Christmas, sexy-sayvon.
LOL!
First timer here…
Love the part about hiding Geordi’s visors…LOL!