Losing My Religion
Reading Evil Julz post the other day about losing her Catholic school memories reminded me of my childhood days of being raised in a Catholic family. I was lucky that I never actually went to Catholic or parochial schools myself but I was forced to go to Catechism classes on Saturdays. Although neither of my parents were particularly religious, with my mom being more so than my dad, I was sent to those classes so that I would at least be taught the basics of the religion.
For those that don’t know, Catechism is basically just Bible study given by nuns in a classroom where they beat into you teach you the basics of God, the writings of the Bible and the fundamentals of the church. The school that I went to I like to call “Our Lady of Corporal Punishment” and boy did they like to dish it out! 
I was very mischievous and rebellious as a child, always getting into some kind of trouble. Even though I wasn’t always the instigator, trouble just seemed to follow me around like a black cloud of evil. Most people probably have this notion that nuns are very sweet and kind people like the one portrayed by Sally Field on the old TV series. But, I can tell you from personal experience that these women are absolutely EVIL!!!
I once got punished for not paying enough attention in class. They would usually whack you across the hand with a ruler and or send you to stand with your nose in the corner at the front of the class.
Amazingly, later in the same class I was punished again for “staring” at the same nun! I was apparently now paying too much attention!! How wrong is that!? Of course, she probably thought I was the “devil spawn” and I was giving her the evil eye, hoping a death ray would magically appear and send her off to meet her maker. But hey, that’s beside the point!
Another incident was the first time I ever encountered the word “fuck”. I had seen it written on the wall in the boys restroom and had absoulutely no idea what it meant. I innocently raised my hand in class and asked the nun out loud, “Sister Mary, what does the word “fuck” mean?” Well, you would have thought that I had just peed on the pope’s hat by the reaction I got, I was arm wrestled out of the classroom, yelled at, paddled, dragged to the office, scolded and sent home without anyone actually explaining to me what I had actually done wrong other than “Never, ever say that again!! It’s a “bad” word!! God will punish you!!” LOL
But my favorite incident was caused by two litle girls that sat in the row next to me. You know how when you are sitting down in a chair and the front of your pants bulges up, making a fold across your zipper? There’s not actually anything in there but I suppose that it looks like there’s something poking up. One of the girls reached across the aisle and poked me there with a ruler and said out loud “I know what’s in there!”. Of course, they both started giggling very loudly, but what they didn’t know was that the nun had seen her do it! Guess who got in trouble? That’s right, …ME!! I got a good ass paddling for that one and I didn’t do a thing! Sister Mary acted as though I had instigated it somehow and the 2 girls were just too sweet and innocent to have done such a naughty thing on their own!!
Those were just a few of my worst experiences but there were plenty more! It seemed like I was always in trouble!
You guys have any similar evil nun experiences? I wanna know!
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YOU, mischievous and rebellious? Who would have ever thunk it
ROFLMAO @ “Our lady of corporal punishment!”
Oh and thanks for the new skin - I love it!
nuns really are evil! I went to a parochial kindergarten. one day I was using the bathroom when a nun came in and started reaming me out. I have no idea what her problem is or what I did wrong! haven’t had respect for nuns since…
The main thing I remember about the nuns at our church was that only one of them could drive so they went everywhere together in an old station wagon.
(Volunteer parents taught our catechism classes.)
I managed to miss all the fun on this one. Yet another thing to be thankful for.
I had to keep my mouth shut in catechism because I tended to have too many questions.
Needless to say I am very secular in my beliefs. Maybe if those nuns would get laid they would not be so mean.
I’m not Catholic, but my kids go to parochial school anyway. They think they have it bad, but the nuns teaching today are NOTHING like when we were kids. If you don’t get struck by lightning over this post, I’m going to do my own on nuns sometime soon.
There used to be a nun at a hospital I used to work at - her name was Sister Arthur Ann (it suited her, so you can just imagine), and she was an IV nurse. I can only imagine the fear she inspired in helpless patients as she came at them with a big-bore IV needle… yikes!!!
“Well, you would have thought that I had just peed on the pope’s hat…”
Damn! Hot chocolate just came spewing out of my mouth Se7. Sheesh! Give a girl a some kind of warning that the following post will be funny as hell next time, mkay?
I’m thanking my lucky stars my family wasn’t Catholic, and also understanding my Mother-in-law a little more!
*hugs*
I don’t know why, but I thought the top of the Flying Nun’s habit was going to be Gizmo… I was so excited…. back to reading in a moment!!
Thankfully, I went to public school…..
Let’s see…Sister Rita was evil. She was my kindergarten teacher. Sister Rosemary (1st grade) wasn’t too bad, comparatively speaking. Mrs. Anderson (2nd grade) was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I ended up going to the psychiatrist because of her (at the age of
and eventually convinced my mom to take me the hell out of Catholic school. Which she did, and from 3rd grade on, I was in public school. Thank God.
Well, Fuck….guess me saying that explains all the “punishment” I’ve been getting lately.
Well, there are so many bad “nun” memories over the course of 9 years - yep you read that right - 9 fucking years in a parochial school. In fairness there were a couple that were “true” teachers, but the rest were incompentent at best - TG we had some lay (non-nun) teachers. Several of the nuns seemed to take particular delight in dishing out as much embarrassment as they could muster. Finally at the age of 14 I got into a very heated argument with the new priest over masturbation and birth control and stormed out of the class and also out of the church - bunch of fucking hypocrites - never to darken their doorway again. Too fucking bad I’m not bitter about those years……….asshats! Beneath every habit is a republican in drag!
I went to public school… no one cared enough to beat the devil out of me!
I went to public school. My hubby went to parochial school from kindergarten through to graduation. Yep, 13 years of it! (no wonder he’s so damned warped!) He’s told lots of stories of the rulers broken across his knuckles to the nun that loved to give paddlings (shudders)
Is it any wonder he has nightmares of killer penguins?????