mechaniacal rants
- Oil changes do NOT include complete overhaul of the entire vehicle or even just the engine or transmission. If your car/truck/suv breaks down a week later, don’t call asking if it was something we may have done wrong. That’s not rocket science, usually an apprentice does oil changes and is normally well trained and supervised. However, nosepicking skills are no longer required.
- Repairing modern cars/trucks/suvs IS rocket science, computer and mathematical skills are required as well as powers of deduction, a background in electrical and electronics, some knowledge in physics and hydraulics, mechanical stress evaluation, a psychiatrist and the giddyness of an 8 yr old with his first model car kit.
- If your vehicles brakes have completely failed and you drive it in for repair, please warn the tech that there are NO brakes before he moves the vehicle. Driving the car into the shop before the garage door is actually open is not part of the normal repair process.
- Installing a new engine is just that, a new ENGINE, notice the difference between that and the words alternator, waterpump, transmission and so on and so forth. Only the ENGINE is warranteed not the entire vehicle. Do not expect us to replace failed wiper blades 6 months later because we installed an ENGINE.
- Engine warranties are normally 36,000 miles, don’t come to us after 60,000 miles, never having changed the oil even one single time after we installed it and expect a new one. We mark that first oil filter and know if it has been changed at all, 60,000 miles on the break-in oil is a SIN. May you burn in hell for your indiscretions upon your poor defenseless vehicle.
- Driving that ultra swanky, over priced, over rated, over engineered piece of crap may look purty but that don’t make it the best vehicle on the road, and don’t expect preferential treatment just because you think it is. We do however make exceptions for secksy women driving secksy cars…..
- A fancy box of high dollar tools does not a mechanic make, but I always spent a couple hundred dollars a month or more on new tools just to keep up with emerging automotive technologies. Besides, the new stuff is the most fun to play with. weeeee
- A joke for the ones that read this far, What’s the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? The Porsche has the pricks on the inside.
Damn, my cigarette lighter socket stopped working, I bet those guys that fixed my brakes last month did something wrong…grrrrr
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Don’t usually get to hear the mechanics side of things. Great post, Seven!
People’s stupidity hurts. Honestly, I have a pain in my brain.
waha! good one!
hey, my headlight went out two weeks after you changed my oil. do you think you might of…hey! where ya going? I’m a secksy women who drives a secksy ford escort zx2!
My dad’s side of the family is extremely car-oriented… my dad was a mechanic back in the ’70s. This was just.. priceless. And you know what my little brother has his heart set on?
Yep, you guessed it. Automotive repair. Oh… by the way…. that quiz you requested is done. Swing by, check it out, leave me thoughts…. y’know, the usual.
Oh, and about that metallic sound on the pavement…. I’m not sure, but it could possibly be the exhaust… ummm… weren’t y’all supposed to fix that? LOL
Hmph. So my Volvo stationwagon isn’t sesky enough for ya, huh? Dang…
Gooch= Thanks!
Kristin= take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning…
Regan= thanks! now about that headlight….
Angel= we did fix it, you just need to stop offroad racing with that car!!
Aimee= Volvos are in a secksy class all by themselves………
Dammit… you weren’t supposed to realize that….
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Just because I haven’t left any for a while.
LOL
Oh gawd I am so borderline when it comes to all things mechanical. The auto gods have been kind to me by sending good guys my way during my hiatus between marriages. And one girlfriend who on a psychic level hears what’s wrong, autos communicate with her. She rarely misses it. x’s
Great post!
Dude, I’m so uptight about car maintenance. Every 3,000 miles, I’m visiting my dealer. They love me, too, they invite me to their office and chat with me the whole time the oil’s being changed. It has NOTHING to do with secksy car or me. I’m sure of that.
Of course, when I was driving 3,500 miles every month, I was in there more regular than my period. Heh.
But, dude, it’s $10 for a DEALER oil change. How can I go wrong?
In other words my heater don’t work because I changed the brake pads this summer?
Great post! I get regular maintenance on my car because I live in the middle of nowhere and without my car I’d be crazier than I already am. Got your url from restless, hope you don’t mind if I drop by every now and then. Will try to catch on the archives sometime soon.
do we still get free oil changes if we show the mechanics our boobs?!?
Hubby had someone accuse them of knocking the headlight out when they changed the tires…
I once was at a gas station and the lady wanted to know how to check the oil on a Jaguar XJ8. He showed her where it was, no oil on the dip stick, oops, add a quart right away. STILL no oil on the dip stick, add another quart, a smudge, bad, ugly black.
She needed 4 quarts
I would have shot her right there if I had a gun, is why I don’t carry one
Seven, I have to admit, I’m guilty as charged, but I’ve also been on the other side.
I bought this car and put a new used (makes sense?) engine in it. The engine had been referbished. (How the hell do you spell that?) Well I took the car to my other mechanic and got the belts and the pumps and hoses all checked out. Three days later I drove the car 120 miles. Two days after that, I drove the car back home, another 120 miles. The next day, I drove 350 miles. A few days later, I was driving home and the engine broke. I don’t know what happened. I was 350 miles away from my home. I left the car there and my parents took me home. (We drove there caravan style.)
*blush* I abuse my vehicles… but I’m secksy and I drive a low slung black Sunfire… its secksy too…
Angel=
Veronica= i like your gods!
Laurie= thanks!
Jeanette= that’s a great deal, kudos for taking good care of your car!
Trashmna= i think you nailed it, them brake pads can be tricky….
Judi= hi! welcome to tha doghouse!
Allie= you betcha, and a free headlight lic… err i mean cleaning as well
Angi= we always knock people’s headlights out with tire changes, it’s those little things that keep people coming back….
Mike= that’s a story i have seen many times lol unfortunately, and she prolly took it to the dealer expecting free repairs…. warranties don’t cover negligence….
Reama= i hope you got it fixed properly or did you leave it abandoned?
Nanner= i hope you pull in to my shop one day!
60,000 miles on break in oil? That’s an exaggeration right? My sister in law had been getting her oil change by someone else. I’m not sure who. She asked me one day to change it for her. When I drained the oil, there was only about half a quart of oil in the entire car! The filter looked as if it had never been changed. I told her never to go back to wherever she took her car.
*poke*
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so there.
my daddy taught auto-mechanics for 30 years. I’m going to have to print this out for him. LOL
You are soooo right…
*poink*
from
So are you saying the windshield wipers aren’t connected to the oil filter? Huh…learn something new everyday.
Jethro= nope i saw it done, the woman actually had the nerve to come in the office yelling and shouting because the engine sounded horrible with various internal noises and smoking badly. We put it on the rack and it still had the very same filter we had installed 60,000 miles earlier with the new engine. The very small amount of oil remaining was like tar and smelled badly burnt.
Angel= eeep!
Celti= i bet he would have a lot more to add !
Becka= you can learn new tricks from an old dog!!
I need more details. What eventually happened? Did everyone laugh at her? What was her reaction? Tell me more!
One more thing, Great job on Zelda’s site! I bow down before the master.
Lois is taking the weekend off because some stupid mechanic broke my hubcap when he fixed my vanity mirror.
Have a good weekend!
Lois Lane
Jethro= she didn’t get another engine,lol i recall she was some type of church group leader (the language she used was shocking for a so called religious person) and she had put all those miles on the engine in just over 1 year which is pretty astounding, as the average is 12,000 miles per year for most drivers. That essentially makes it a commercial vehicle, ie. a taxi cab and the warranties on that vehicle class are much liberal or non-existent. Even though we had proof that she was trying to cheat us she still shouted “lawsuit” and tryed her damndest to get something for nothing. She was unsuccesful! some people….
and thanks about Z’s blog, i hope she smiles everytime she sees it!
Lois= never underestimate the value of a good quaility vanity mirror i always say, i would suggest a full week off for stress recovery…..
I was going to say Good Morning, but then I looked at the time. So, umm… good day? LOL
That’s an awesome story man. Yeah, I think you made Zelda’s day. She’s extremely excited about her new template. Next time we make it to New Orleans, we’ll get together for dinner. Our treat as thanks.
bwaha! would you like to inspect my headlights?
Angel= G’day to you too!!
Jethro= thanks man I am glad she is enjoying it! Just meeting you guys would be great fun and hope we get together soon!
Regan= just so happens we are runnig a “special” on headlight inspections!!
so you drop off the face of the earth eh? havent heard from you in a week. i miss you. nice new job eh? designing web sites.. cool for you. write, find me, i miss talking to you. i’m sure you’re busy now but dont be a stranger. have a great week seven. love inky