My Punch Out List
I keep a running list of assholes, dumbasses, jerks and morons that I plan on punching out someday after I finally punch out. It doesn’t matter if I go to heaven or hell, either way I figure that I’ll have all eternity to track these fuckers down and just give em’ a good punch in the eye, stomp on their foot, kick in the balls or just generally slap the bitches around for their transgressions while we were here on earth. I’m thinking that no matter where I end up, an eternity is gonna get booooring, eventually, and I might as well have something fun to do!
That said, here’s a short list of recent inductees to my Punch Out List.
- The asswipe that made a left turn in front of me a few months ago and forced me to slam into the side of your truck. I realize that accidents happen, but you get an extra special Mike Tyson style slam to the rib cage, a punch in the nose, and I’ll bite your freekin’ ear off for not even asking if I was hurt or not, double for your totally uncompassionate wife! Bastards! (read the full story here, with pictures!)
- The woman that suddenly needed to cross over three lanes to make a U-turn instead of going a block or two further down the road and doing it safely, taking my life and safety into your foul and decrepit hands, nearly causing me to get run over by an 18 wheeler. That blue hair and the inch thick glasses isn’t gonna stop me from slapping you silly with a large nasty catfish!
- The lady at the Circle K convenience store for counting out $18.99 in ones and coins for a $20 dollar bill and not letting me slide on the penny for a $1.01 purchase. I realize that you had no choice on the ones but I’m gonna smack that toothy smirk off your ugly face someday when we meet again for the penny! Bitch!
- The garbageman for appearing to purposely bust one of the wheels off the roll around garbage can. I saw you do it you ugly bastard, there’s a big difference between tossing it to the curb and slammin’ the motherfucker to the pavement like you were trying to break it! I’ll go Muhammed Ali on your sorry ass when we meet again, multiple, lightning speed blows to the head and torso is your ultimate fate!
- The mockingbird that likes to perch on top of my car to hunt bugs in the front yard, I know ya gotta eat and feed the babies and it’s great fun watching you patiently hunt and strike like death from above on unsuspecting worms and grubs in the lawn below. BUT, do ya have to crap all over my freekin’ car? I’m gonna yank a few of your tailfeathers out for that shit, you freaky, feathered, flying reptile!
- The pharmacist at Walgreens for making me go 2 miserable days thinking I was gonna have to shell out over $500 bucks a month on my medications by mistakenly telling me my new insurance plan would not pay for them! You get a single, mighty George Forman body blow that will knock you flying off your feet and break a rib or two for that one! Bitch!
- The huge black crow that perches on the oak tree branch outside my bedroom window early in the mornings and caw, caw, caws like a screaming, tortured banshee from purgatory and wakes me up at the crack of doom most mornings, I have a Daisy hi- powered pellet with your name on it you fucker, you have a death wish and I’m gonna send your sorry ass to hell, and then I’m gonna kill you over and over again when we meet there. I’ll have all eternity to make your ass as miserable as I possibly can! Do they have pellet guns in hell?
Those are just my newest additions, of course the list is quite long since I’ve been keeping it for years now. I look forward to adding more! Hell yeah! hehe
I had some problems with my ‘net service for a couple days, I could barely do anything online but it seems to be all fixed now, Thanks to Cox Cable for putting me on eternal telephone hold for nothing you bastards, you’re gonna make my Punch Out List soon enough!
On the positive side though I was able to finish a brand new template for Rachael over at “As Always… Rachael“, go over and check it out and make sure you leave comments! She writes some crazy off the wall shit that’ll have you laughing and crying! Hell yeah!
Even MORE positive, it also gave me the time I needed to finish up my totally brand schpankin’ new Blogs Gone Wild! site at it’s own domain, woohoo! I think it helps to show off more of my graphics skills and it has some interactive Flash content. Theres also a bit of new stuff in the help section and cool blog stuff sections which I plan on expanding even more in the near future!
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
Can I add a few to your list too? Oh wait… I think I’d like to punch them out myself LOL!
I just checked out Blogs Gone Wild and you’ve done a fantastic job! Very cool graphics.
Have a good one!
OMG
I need one of these lists myself!
What a brilliant idea. *smooooches and gropes*
I have made lists like this for years. I find it helpful to make these lists because somehow getting all out on paper or on the computer for that matter helps and saves you a huge headach in the process as an added bonus it keeps you out of trouble. But it wouldn’t hurt to kick some ass either..Wink!!!
“Your call is very important to us.”
Bam! Seven hits ‘em with a catfish, comes right back with a frozen swordfish steak…
hee hee - kick ass!
Happy Solstice!!!
Heehee…… those lists are fun to make
Do you realize how many times you have made me wait on the phone while you killed that crow?
The last time he did a 180 mile per hour plunge of death to the ground and still has come back completely resurrected to torture you!
Sev baby… it is time to embrace your inner crow.
Love it.
Nurture it.
It obviously isn’t going anywhere!
Loved hearing your voice this morning babydoll.
*Deep Tongue Kiss*
Cool idea w/ a “Punch out List”. Healthy. Also just skimmed “If I had my way..” Interesting as alwasy, 7!
Checked out the sites, both look great!!!
That is quite a list! I really like your web designs!
The convenience store clerk knew how to make the right change?????
Wow.
I have a “list” of my own… feels good to get it out doesn’t it?! Thanks for the mention, quite a few stopped by to say “hi” and congratulate me on my new “pad”… Is there such a thing as a blog-warming party? How about blog-warming GIFTS??
Thanks again - I love it!
:+: Both sites are excellent! LOVE the new look on BGW!
And it’s good to see ya back!
Nice site! I subscribe to Rachel, so I saw her link to you. Great work!
I think that I’m going to have to add some more animals to my list - I wasn’t aware they weren’t allowed to be assholes either.
Always rachaels site looks awesome!!!
I keep going ” ewwwww ahhhh ewwwww”
Man lets add eachother to our hit lists and then when we are in heaven we can leave eachother clues as to our locations. Eternity will be VERY boring if we don’t have something to do!!!! And can you just imagine all the places we can hide!!!! EW Ew Ew hide and seek!!!!
Slap you silly wiht a large nasty catfish
Classic Cajun!
You did a great job on Rachael’s blog! I love her stories and now she looks as good as she “sounds”!
Lois Lane
You know how to take care of the bird shit problem don’t cha? You make a deal with them like I did. I feed mine in my backyard and they don’t shit on my car out in front where I park. Yeah it’s really birdy bribery but it’s what works for us.
Soooo, you’re a forgiving sort, are you?
Come to think of it, I think I will make a list like that as well.
I am definitely going to hell though. And my theory is that it is going to be one giant party. A place full of sinners.
I had a list like that once - rolled it up and made an inaction figure out of it and set the thing on fire! May not have helped my karmic bank account but I felt better. Keep finding ashes in the strangest places though…hmmmm!
BTW - the Solstice post is up! 
Love the list!
Your site is awesome! Are the buttons and header animated? Is that how you got the colors to do that?
Good Morning Lover!
Je vous manque.
Venez voir-moi.
Ne soyez pas timides.
kiss
kiss
kiss
mwuh!
LOVE Rachel’s template! And getting slapped with a nasty catfish, yeah, I might have to steal that line.
Well, I’m not much into revenge, but since you really seem like you could do some damage and I got someone who really needs an ass-kickin… can I put them on your list?
Love the blog. Your graphics are amazing. I think I’m gonna have to spend some serious time here. And thanks for the link. Saw that.
Karen= thanks hon!! i love playing with graphics!! it’s been very therapeutic too!!
D’ Anerah= yummy, gropes! woohoo!! everyone needs one of those lists hehe
Colleen= I figure that in heaven or hell it will be like cartoon violence… no one get really hurt!! hehe
OHS= or a big salmon when i’m outta swordfish!!
Celti= happy solstice to you too hon!!
Demon Queen= yeah, i keep trying but he is very wary of me now, his day will come though!! loved hearing your voice today too, you lovely thing you! yummy kisses!!
Silvermoon= hi grrrl! hope you’re doing well!!! thanks!!
Angel= thanks doll!! hugs!!! and poinks too!!! woohoo!!
Blue= thanks man, i appreciate that!!
blazngfyre= yes she did, after punching the correct buttons on the machine of course LOL amazing huh? hehe !!
Rachael= hey you’re welcome!! blog warming huh? hmm, not a bad idea!!!
Serra= thanks!!! on both accounts!!
Samantha= hi there! welcome to my little doghouse!! thanks for the compliment!
thequeen= thank you too, hon!! haha, epic hide and go seek, what fun that would be, the games could take years to play, woohoo!!
Inanna= i figured someone would catch that one, and it was you!! *hug*~!!
Lois= wow, thanks!! birdy bribery,
yeah, Rachael is a good read isn’t she?
Jeanette= of course I am, right after I get them back… hahaha!!
Sara= hmm, i wonder what’s for dinner in hell? broken glass? razor blades?
Seamus= that post is awesome, great pictures too, man everyone needs to go check that out!!
Micki= thanks hon! yeah, they are animated in Flash, fun to make!!
Demon Queen= i’ve never been accused of being timid, silly woman!! xoxoxox’s to you too!! yum, yum!!
Kristin= hiya cowgirl!! steal away!! hehe
Liz= LOL, sure why not? hehe thanks too! and welcome to the doghouse. my home away from home!!
Oh, my…. I absolutely love this header!!!!!
LMAO!! I love it. I need to make me one of these lists. It’d be quite long though. Cool…